so much for 40 degree weather. my car is now buried in snow. the house is creaking and rattling.
freaking out over applications to things, what am i going to do this summer, should i work, stay here, will i die if i don't make it to some sort of queer oasis for a month or two, how will i get my fix, should i try to spend time with a lover, how is being alone helping me if i don't use my time wisely, why do i feel as though i am not handling anything well...
but i know, underneath it all, there are reasons why i am here, and i am very happy for the small moments, the weekend i just had, the coffee i so enjoy, the teacher who called me to tell me i shouldn't doubt myself, the writers pushing all sorts of boundaries, taking risks, the friends who listen and put up with me, i know it must come off as though i am constantly feeling inadequate and angry and upset with myself, but i do know that people care, and i care and feel lucky that i have been able to feel, sometimes i feel like i am on a teeter-totter, back and forth with these extreme poles of confidence and lack thereof...
the post offices and fed ex places are all closed. in nyc there is always one open. so now i am late on a deadline. fuuck. i hope they overlook it.
there was one lonely protester out in the snowstorm in town, without a hat or jacket, with a big green sign that said cum facials.
this is a party weekend and i'm so into taking my baths and reading and not coming home smoky and too doped up to wash my face. but i know i miss human contact, esp since i missed the parties last night, what with the storm and the exhaustion...
Posted at 07:59 am by adavison
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